So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
