I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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