I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
