Nicole vs. Life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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