And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How external is "for external use only"?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
