'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
