It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
