Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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