On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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