I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
