# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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