Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
