My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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