i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
