he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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