Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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