Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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