Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
