I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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