Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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