I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
