some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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