ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
