Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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