My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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