Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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