I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
