I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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