he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
