You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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