Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
