Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
