Kareoke will never be a sober sport
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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