My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
