Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
