sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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