I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
