I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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