if only i could text you this smell
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize