we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
