I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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