my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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