I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
