So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
