SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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