oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
