dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
