I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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