is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
