I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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