If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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