just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
