Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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