Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
