6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
