So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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