Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
