party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize