Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
