Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
