It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
