I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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