Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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