On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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