I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
