if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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