I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
