the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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