nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
