I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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