i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
be right there i have to get my cape
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
