Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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