This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
