Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
